Well another Monkey Run hared by two very experienced hares G.I. Joe and Dizzy who managed to completely fuck up Pirate Monkey One. The first Pirate Monkey took me 5 hours and 30 minutes to complete and I wasn’t the last silly cunt to finish.
A complete fuck up by these two C*NTS.
So my expectations for this run were very low so they should be met or maybe even exceeded however I take nothing for granted with these 2 hares.
Pick up at Sukhumvit Tesco Lotus for me, Mental Disorder and Hole in the Hose for a long drive out into the jungle, I’ve got no idea where we are but its miles out of town.
A lot of regular Monkey runners are not here today, they’re in the Philippine’s as far away from these 2 hares as possible. Obviously they remember the last run.
Circle up, run is A to B and B to C with 1 water stop. Paper starts down among the tree’s and off we go. I run past Pussy Snatcher like he was standing still, which he was, and I’m in the FRB, well for a minute anyway before I’m overtaken by Sperm Polluter, Pussy Snatcher and Smelly Bastard and everyone else except Spag and the infected Jello Butt who has succumbed to his many diseases and is in the back of
the baht bus.
A lot of sand and tapioca but also seems to be plenty of shady areas to run. I was lucky enough to see Dirty Pussy trip Pussy Snatcher over and watch Pussy Snatcher roll around in the sand laughing. We were forced to go through mud and water although I tried to get around it but fuck it no way so destined to spend all day with wet feet.
First part wasn’t too long around 5km for me and that was without any short cuts and it was relatively flat but like running in the desert, lots of sand.
Hares explained the second half of the run was a bit longer but not too hard and then kicked Jello Butt out of the Baht Bus. The lazy fucker avoided the first part complaining of a sore knee, a sore throat, a sore dick, lingering gonorrhoea and assorted venereal diseases from his beach road love life. Said when he dies he wants to leave his body to science but no one wants it, just like now.
Second part was longer and a bit more uphill including following paper through a shitty Thai resort in the middle of nowhere up a cement hill and into the jungle. I got in last with Mental Disorder and Dirty Pussy.
Pretty good run but the hot weather made it difficult for me and Mental.
On in to the sight of two hillbilly’s, Heckle and Jeckle, maybe it was Kneel and Bob or is that what they do? Both wearing coveralls and sporting a set of brown teeth that would make a baht bus driver jealous.
A big vat of Bloody Marys and other moonshine available, GI Joe had obviously been testing the Bloody Marys to get the mix just right and was hammered by the time it was deemed drinkable, he couldn’t move from the down, down table, he was rooted to the ground. So Dizzy had to take all the drinks to the ice.
Don’t touch the green cup!!! Lots of punters iced but mostly Jello Butt because he deserves it. I even
took the circle and iced Pussy Snatcher and Dirty Pussy to explain the sand diving. Can’t remember much more about the circle because I was trying to stop G I Joe from drinking more Bloody Marys by drinking the rest myself, fuck it was good. On the baht buses to PJ’s for a fine feed of meat and veg, real man food. Today I ran/walked 11km and gained 3kg, so much for exercise being good for you, fucking doctors have got no idea. Another excellent Monkey H3 day out.
On On
Rear Gunner
