Horse Monkey the popular face behind a well known tea campaign has denied attacking fellow Monkey Split Beaver and severing his ear.
Speaking from his Pattaya abode Monkey Horse has stated that it was not him who attacked Monkey Beaver but his evil twin Cornhole Monkey. You see," says Horse "it wasn't me, but my evil twin Monkey Cornhole who attacked that Monkey. You can ask anyone. I was in Australia at the time. I even got my OAP Travel Card to prove it" He denies having ever owned a machete. "I haven't even got a kitchen knife, that katoy who lives with me does all the cooking" he added.
From his hospital bed Monkey Beaver identified Horse as being responsible for the attack "I only asked him if he could get me in with the katoy, "he's a right bit of alright. I like them ginger" Surgeons were able to reattach the severed ear in an operation which took five hours. Reconstructive Surgeon Sonboon Needlepoint said "it was a clean cut so it was a bit harder to put back on, usually if there are tears we just over stitch it back on and hope for the best.
Police are appealing for the whereabouts of Monkey Horse evil twin Monkey Cornhole so he can answer a few questions. If you know his whereabouts please contact your local police station. He is said to look like Horse but more depraved.
Would you pay to see a monkey's backside? I hope not. But then again Monkey Ball Ringer will and I suppose that's okay, though it sounds awfully close to the sort of thing that lands guys in jail here in the human realm. Perhaps behind closed door when Bell End can help?
A new study found that male monkeys will give up their beer rewards in order to ogle pictures of female monkey's bottoms. The way the experiment was set up, the act is akin to paying for the images. Say no more and welcome to an even darker side of Monkey Ball Ringer's unnatural practices.
….and so it was at a very hot dusty A site mid way between Pattaya and Rayong where a large pack of confused Monkey's gathered for the 29th running of the much revered Monkey Hash. Shade – there was none – not even a loan tree. Monkey's, who had "forgotten" to where their odd socks where given an odd eco friendly bright green dyed leg which will wash out in about three months. The hares for today explained we would be running on "Monkey Paper" this when put in plain words meant paper on which the word Monkey appeared! On out and up into the hills with calls of ONON echoing around us.
Some very interesting research has been carried out about the meaning of Monkey calls. If you're a true Monkey hasher and you hear a friend whoop out a loud "pyow" call, you know there's a leopard sneaking around and it's time to get well of the fu..ing way. Similarly, if you hear a "hack," it means you should watch out for a hungry eagle.
A new study reveals that these monkeys can mix the two calls into a "pyow-hack" sequence to broadcast other types of information such as I'm totally knackered or what the hell am I going through this type of purgatory for? Even some of the older Monkey's such as Spaghetti Head has learned many new vocalisations which he freely uses while on trial. It's very sad fact no one else can understand him yet! Some further interesting facts about today's Monkey pack were their distinguishing features split between The New World and Old World.
Where most New World monkeys - Australian in the main such as Rear Gunner, Dizzy, Bam Bam have prehensile tails, Old World monkeys do not. Due to the perverted antics of the New World American Monkeys many have cropped tails. Also many have developed large mammary glands such as Monkey G.I. Joe due to consistently living on a poor diet of Big Mac Burgers and fries.
So the scribe has digressed a little in his story – that's because we are still going up with one hill leading onto another even bigger hill. It was then Monkey Sheik Bin Shaggin developed nose bleed complained of nausea and proceeded to lead his portion of the Monkey pack to a lower altitude where his telepathic abilities (abbreviated read AIS) enabled him to located the water stop. The remainder of the pack was left to follow paper by staggering, sliding and tumbling from the mountain where they located the water stop at the foot of a large glacier The second part of the hash was much more restrained as were made our way through flowering Mango trees to finally find the C site and more importantly lots and lots of cold beer.
Well done the hares for a well planned day out with the Monkey Hash.
…..and if you want to know what happened in the ensuing circle you will have to make an effort to attend a Monkey Hash.
Visitor Colon Howl proved a very entertaining character for all of us!!
On On
Vlad The Impaler
